Rowan Avery 🖤

For a few weeks I had been experiencing contractions over night. They had interrupted my sleep and had come every 30-40 minutes from around 10pm until around 6am when they would stop.

So when I got up on November 14th at 41w+5 I was expecting the same thing. Because I was over 40 weeks my midwife had requested I do an ultrasound to check on baby which I had agreed to and got ready for my appointment. I was experiencing some cramping but I had had a stretch and sweep the day before so was expecting to be feeling something.

At the appointment I felt a bit of cramping. The sonographer asked if I was feeling anything and I told her I was. She let me know that what I was feeling was infact a contraction. This was exciting to have it confirmed. I knew a contraction didn’t necessarily mean it was happening happening. But it made me glad to know my body was working.

My mum was visiting from the UK so we went with my son to grab some lunch after the appointment.

The day went on much the same, some cramping sensations that came and went every 20-30 minutes or so. I just let myself focus on other things. I wasn’t convinced this was anything so I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

That afternoon, my husband, my mum and I took my son to a play area at a Toys’R’Us he enjoyed. I noticed the cramping feeling a little more intense than earlier and had kept up the 20-30 minute cadence all day without falling off. Using the bathroom there I lost my mucus plug.

We spent several hours there playing in the play area until it was time to go home for dinner. We ate and after my son was down, we decided to get started with decorating our back room. We got out our fairy lights, our galaxy light, all the things our midwife had asked for and started to blow up the birthing pool. Around 9pm my doula stopped by as she had been to see a client nearby and wanted to see how I was. I wasn’t sure if this was something or not but was sure it was going to happen in the next few days at least. My mum was due to leave the next day.

As the night wore on, the contractions got a little more intense but never got closer together. They were feeling like the cramps of the second day of a period. Very, very manageable but noticeable. I took a shower, put some heat on my belly and laid with my peanut ball. I had been sleeping with a peanut ball for about 2 weeks cause the pain in my hips by that stage was so intense the only way I could get respite was with the peanut ball. Before falling asleep around midnight, I decided to call my midwife and let her know that I had been having contractions all day and they hadn’t gone away. They were still 20-30 minutes apart as they had been that morning but I was starting to believe this was the beginning of real labour and wanted to give her a heads up incase I called during the night. I then called my doula, told her the same thing and went to sleep.

4am I woke up to a shift, the contractions hit me and I needed to get out of bed and sway through it. I knew instantly this was the real deal. I didn’t wake anyone up but I did some deep breathing as I leaned over the bed and swayed my hips. Once it had passed I got into bed and went back to sleep but was soon awoken by another one. I got my timer and started to time them. They were coming 10-15 minutes apart now and I needed to sway and control my breathing through each one. Around 4.45 I called my doula, I let her know that they had picked up in frequency and intensity. She was already outside. She had had a feeling this was going to happen and had set an alarm to come a few hours after I called her before bed. She was ready to come in whenever I needed her. Although they were more intense they were still very manageable and with my son still sleeping but easily stirred, we decided to have her wait. I tried to get back to resting but the contractions were coming closer together. By 6am they were coming every 7-8 minutes. I was breathing through them but I was also having to make deep mooing noises too. I just wanted to sway as they moved through my body. We called my doula and told her it was time to come in and called the midwife to let her know where we were. She said she would come by to check on me in about an hour or so.

Our doula came in and immediately told my husband off for not having the pool at least half filled by now. We had both been sleeping and I had been in denial about this being real labour so he truly hadn’t had time but it was still funny to hear him step in line behind her and get to work sorting the tub while I used water to help the contractions in the shower. While in there I took some time to connect with my ancestors and ask them to surround me, protect me and guide me through these next phases of labour. I used my reiki wisdom to help calm my body and protect my baby. Within 30 minutes of my doula being there, my contractions move to around 4 minutes apart and we’re getting VERY intense. I said I needed to get in the pool asap so they continued to fill it around me. The midwife came and was unpacking her things around 7.15am and I was in full blown active labour. I didn’t want any checks, but I could tell from the shift that this was the active part. My son and mum woke up, I needed my husband so after he had got our son breakfast he was handed to my mum to watch. He came in and out of the room and helped by pouring water on my back. But he mostly stayed in the living room with his nana, checking in on me occasionally.

Once in the pool the contractions started getting closer together and I started to get a little scared. I would lose control of my breathing and start to doubt how capable I was. My midwife, doula and husband all breathed with me to help me keep my rhythm while my husband held me in his arms and my doula used counter pressure on my back.

Things took another shift again when I felt a pain rock through my body, like a splitting of my pelvis and I knew my baby was there. I panicked and remember crying out ‘oh my gosh! She’s right there, I can feel her right there’. The ejection reflex completely took over and I felt my body just expelling. Big convulsions i had no control obver. The midwife asked if she could check and I agreed and 1 second later she confirmed she was in fact ‘right there’. I was completely out of control of my body. Bringing one leg up to rock back and forth on all fours as instructed by my doula, I felt her come through me. I roared and swore and pretty sure I had a Jaws moment where my body started to thrash in the water as I screamed ‘fuuuuuuck!!’ At the top of my lungs. Then all of a sudden, there was bliss. At just after 8.30am there was no more pain, I felt my babies’ body come out of me and she was lifted up to my chest. And she was perfect. I had done it. The natural home birth I had dreamed of. I had done it.

It had felt so quick and intense. My mind hadn’t had chance to really process this really was happening. It didn’t feel real and took a moment for me to realize what had just happened. I was given some time to come back down into myself. I delivered my placenta and it was put in a bowl to float in the pool along side us. And then my son and my mum came in to meet her. I cannot explain the feeling of the moment I had with my mum there. 3 generations of women together in the moments after birth, mothers and daughters, connected. It was profound and powerful. I cried big heaving sobs. I will never be able to put into words the magic felt in this moment, the connection, like the 3 of us were also being held by all the other mothers in our lineage. I don’t believe there will be a moment quite like that again in my life. And I found something truly healing there. A tumultuous relationship, held in this moment, soothed, repaired with gold like a kintsugi vase. I will remember that feeling forever.

We stayed there together for a very long time. Basking in our new baby, each other, this beautiful moment. Until eventually we moved to the bedroom. My husband cut the babies umbilical cord and they stitched me up (I had a 2nd degree tear which I believe was due to how quickly she had come out). This gave my husband and mum a chance to hold her. After I was sorted I was put into bed and handed my baby. We got lost in moments of awe, gratitude and love as a family. Unfortunately, just 5 hours or so later my mum had to say goodbye. She had her flight to catch. I have no doubt the next time we see each other will be an emotional one.

This labour felt so quick and intense, it was scary cause I had been induced with my first and had no idea what to expect. But it helped heal me in ways too. It won’t take away the trauma of my first birth, it won’t give me back my son’s first several months which are blurry and dark through the lenses of severe postpartum depression. But this birth was so beautiful, special and empowering that I got to be my best self this time around. I’ve fought some dark thoughts still, had moments when I thought I couldn’t do it. But it’s never taken over. It’s never grasped me the same. And however bad it might feel, I know the pit is much deeper and I’m grateful everyday I didn’t fall all the way down again.

I am so grateful to my body, to it’s power, it’s capabilities and it’s strength. And for the now 2 beautiful babies she has given me.